Why? What I am doing wrong?

Why? What I am doing wrong?

What am I doing wrong?

 

I get asked this question a great deal. This week I had this questions posed to me by a few people.

This is when I wish I was able to be right there in the room with you.  I would want you to see the look in my eye when I am talking to you.

 

What would I say..

Well here is what I would say…”You are not doing anything wrong!”.

You may see a little tear in my eye or it may roll right on down my face.

 

Here is the thing..

Parenting is not easy! When you see another person that appears to have their “sh!t together” and they are rocking this parenting thing..I will guarantee you that they have had many days where they doubted themselves and they may be doubting themselves right now but their strength is with putting on a brave face and acting like the world is fine.

So let’s stop comparing ourselves to others and let’s get to why is your child not doing what you would like. (this can be sleeping well, toilet training, sharing..)

The number one reason I see children testing limits or doing things differently with their parents…(Any Guesses????)…

Well here is the answer… Your child feels safe with you..or your child wants to be with you that extra few minutes..or your child is not quite confident and needs the confidence from you…or…(you get the point).

 

There are so many factors in play that will influence how your child responds to a situation. Parenting is a game of trial and error!

Things will get better and when it feels like you are doing something wrong..remember someone else feels that as well and that trying different things will result in a solution for your family. 

 

 

A Perfect Time to be Thankful

A Perfect Time to be Thankful

As we enter into the Thanksgiving weekend here is Canada, i want to take the opportunity to express some things that I am very Thankful for.

I have a long list of things that I am extremely Thankful for. The following is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

I am Thankful that..

1. I cook supper. That means I have food to cook supper with!

2. I have a messy house. It means I have a house!

3. I hear “Mom” “Mom” “Mom” on repeat. I am a Mom!! I did not think I was going to be blessed with this opportunity less then 10 years ago.

4. I get frustrated with my Mom telling me what to do. It means that my Mom is still here and I am blessed to have her.

5. We laid my Dad and Father n Law to rest. They are at peace and not suffering.

6. I miss my friends and family. It means I have friends and family!!

7. It takes 10 minutes to get out the door. I am usually going out the door with my amazing family!

 

So now you get my point!

There are so many thingns that we do that we can be thankful for if we just look at the reason the situation happened.

As parents (Really as a human) there are going to be many times that you are disappointed, upset or frustrated. When you look back on those things with a different perspective it will bring out the things that you can be Thankful for.

I hope you have a Wonderful and Thankful Weekend filled with turning what feels like a chore into a great memory.

Feel free to comment below with your reasons for being Thankful.

As Always, Be The Parent You Want to Be!!

Reactive Approaches: Take 3

Reactive Approaches: Take 3

There are many ways you can help your little one learn what is expected of them. Take 3 is a way to give your child a chance to make a different choice.

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It’s not you, It’s me!!!

It’s not you, It’s me!!!

 Does the following scenario sound familiar to you…

You are trying to interact with your child; but, your child is whining, complaining, not following the direction, dropping to the floor, etc. You begin to feel frustrated, your voice gets “sharp”, you are snapping or yelling. 

You are so not alone!!!!

There are often times when I am scratching my head going “why are you acting this way” then it hits me like a brick!

This is typically when the reality that my son is feeding off my emotions, frustrations, and energies kicks into high gear.

Time to reset!!

How do I go about resetting??

The very first thing I do is acknowledge to my son that I do not like the way I am talking right now.

Then I tell him I need to take a minute.  Typically, I just stand there and take some deep breathes. If I am really frustrated then I take a time out by going to the bathroom or walking to another room.

When I have my composure back I then apologize for my voice tone or behaviour. Then I take a couple of minutes to connect at my son’s level. (Stop, Drop, Connect) This is often enough to get his behaviour back in the desired direction. 

If things improve then I have to let the previous behaviour go (easier said than done). This is when I replay the song “Let it Go” in my head :). 

What do you do if your child has not been able to reset?

There have been many times when I have pulled myself together but our son is “too far gone”. He is immersed in his emotional release (aka tantrum) or undesired behaviour. Now it is time to help him.

I label his behaviour and talk him through his frustration or I give him the space to unload.

I will ask if he needs a minute or if he wants a hug.  He usually takes the hug and then he resets.

You may be thinking this all sounds great but how can it be that easy?

In all reality, it is not always that easy.

When you are in the midst of these behaviours over and over again (toddlers and preschoolers are famous for that) it certainly does not feel easy.

There will be times where the resetting can take place after an epic 30 minute emotional release. This is when it is really important that you remind yourself that the calmer you remain the easier your reset becomes.

The positive thing that can come out of you resetting like this is that your child learns how to reset by following your example. 

I have to admit the first time I saw our little man stand, take a deep breath and ask for a minute (“need break”) my heart swelled!!

 

If you have further questions I would love to hear from you. If you are a member of Parenting Foundations feel free to send me a private message or post in the private group. If you are not a member but would like to hear more about it, please comment below.

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